Peace of Mind!

Well this post isn’t an elucidation of that ‘memorable’ room hunting jaunt. As you might have discovered by now, Hutch is now Vodafone! OMG!! I didn’t know it. Saaalo, itni baar us cute si kutte ki ad ko TV pe dhikaoge to ‘Black’ film ke Amitabh ko yeh yaad rahega!! Trust me every FM station that I was tuning in to, in Bengaluru was bombarding its listener’s ears, mercilessly with this make-over-of-the-millennium act!

I really have no issues with their promotional campaign. But what really pissed me off the other night was an unsolicited sms from Vodafone, which said that a caller tune a.k.a CT would be activated on my cell phone. As any other naïve (all subscribers, other than those of, the then Hutch!) subscriber, I was pretty happy that Vodafone finally was on an offering, free of cost! My first reaction to it was “wow. That’s kewl!” I had all reasons to be happy because S had enjoyed this one month ‘free caller tune’ activation service provided by Hutch a.k.a Vodafone. As the message read, the caller-tune (a song from the movie saajan, ‘Baahut pyaar karte hain…’) was activated. The fact that the CT was activated was brought up to my notice by V. He had called up a day later and asked me, “En le suri… Caller Tune activate madis bittidya?” I was like… WTF!! I was taken by surprise. I never knew that Vodafone was serious about that message! (I’ll come back this ‘breach of integrity’ act of Vodafone shortly)

After terminating that call, I quickly checked my balance, only to find that a cute amount of 30 bucks was literally ripped off my credit. Here money was certainly not the issue. I was *&#$ing pissed off the way they deducted that amount without notifying me. I went fuming. I called up the customer care (read is as customer-don’t-care a.k.a CDC) and spoke to them about this annoying act of theirs. As usual, I heard that *&#$ing one liners from CDC, ‘We will look in it!’ I also asked them to credit back the amount to my account. The gal from CDC promised me that the CT would be deactivated within 24 hours and I would be getting back my 30 bucks. I hung up, with little hopes of getting this issue solved in one stride! You see, Hutch a.k.a Vodafone has a tremendous reputation to live up to!

After an anxious period of 24 hours, I found out that Hutch a.k.a Vodafone had truly lived up to its past reputation. The people from CDC seemed to have not bothered to deactivate my CT. And guess what? They had also ‘forgotten’ to credit back the amount to my account. My instincts were right. I felt that what Shakespeare had said long back was damn right, “What’s in a name?” Saalono ne apna naam to badal liya, lekhin apni purani adaat nahi chodi! When money is the issue, it always gets the worst out of Hutch a.k.a Vodafone.

The next day I called them up again and this time I spoke to them in quite a belligerent tone. This whole CT episode seemed to have taken toll of my patience. I was in no mood for those hi-hello-how-are-you kinda chat with CDC people. I wanted an explanation, straight and square! Here is the verbalization of the call I made on that day:

CDC: This is xyz. How may I assist you sir?

S: I have this annoying caller tune activated on my cell phone without my consent. If this weren’t enough, you have deducted 30 bucks from my account. I want this CT to be deactivated right now and my amount back.

CDC: (In an unperturbed tone) Sir may I know your full name please?

S: Suresh S.

CDC: And… you calling from 98860***** right? (Just avoiding sharing of TMI)

S: Yesss!

CDC: Sir. You mean to say that this caller tune has been activated without your knowledge and you didn’t choose it. Am I right?

S: (Ailaa. Tumhe angrezi samajh main aati hain? To pehle kyu nahi kaha yaaar! Main to khamo kha Hebrew main baat kar raha ta. Tum log bhi na... Had karte ho yaar... mazak karne ki bhi ek had hoti hain) hmmm… I suppose that’s what I meant.

CDC: Sir from when has this caller tune been active on you phone? (In the same istyle as a doctor asks his patients, “Aap ko kabh se pareshaani hain?”)

S: Since a couple of days or so…

CDC: Sir. How did it get activated? You say that it was done without your knowledge?

S: (WTF! That’s what I want to know from you boy!) Well. I got a sms from Vodafone saying that they would activate a CT in a few minutes. Ever since then, this annoying CT has been playing on my cell phone. I spoke to your people yesterday about this thing. They had promised me to deactivate it and credit 30 bucks back to my account within 24 hours. But they haven’t done it.

CDC: Sir… First you need to lodge a complaint about this. Then we will inform about this to our systems section and they will take care of it.

S: (Saale tumhe kya lagta hain main abh tak koi Akbar Birbal ki kahani suna raha ta kya?) That is exactly what I had done yesterday.

CDC: No sir. There is no complaint registered regarding this issue.

S: (*&#$) Okies. Then would you mind registering it now?

CDC: Yes sir. Sure… Now that you have lodged a complaint, we will definitely take care of it. As soon as we are done with it, you will be getting a call from our customer care sir.

S: Okies.

CDC: Is there anything you want to know sir?

S: No…

CDC: Thank you sir. Have a nice day!

After 4 days (In Bengaluru…)

After watching this movie, I was waiting outside a restaurant, near the cinema hall with my friends. We were all hungry and planning what to have in that restaurant. It was about 4:30 or so in the evening when I got a call. The number flashing on my cell phone seemed quite familiar to me. Yep! You guessed it right. It was a call I had been waiting for nearly 96 hours. For you kindest information, my cell phone still had that annoying CT playing. This time around, I was all set, sleeves up to take on those CDC people. The conversation with a CDC gal went on something like this…

CDC: Sir… this is ABC calling from Vodafone sir. As you know hutch has become Vodafone recently, we are updating all the information of our customers. You had lodged a complaint regarding the CT being activated on you phone without your permission. Is that right sir?

S: Yep! I want to know why it hasn’t been done.

CDC: Sir… Actually since this entire CT and other information are stored on our database located in US, you need to send a sms ‘DCT CT’ and send it across to 56789. Then only your CT will be deactivated.

S: What about my 30 bucks?

CDC: If this CT has been activated from our side without your permission, we will definitely credit that amount to your account within 24 hours.

S: Okies…

CDC: Is there anything you want to know sir?

S: Nooo!!

Since I hadn’t asked them to activate this CT, the deducted amount should have been credited to my account. Well… I have been waiting all the way along. They have duteously deactivated my CT within 24 hours of receiving that call, but have cleverly ‘forgotten’ to credit back that amount. Maan gaye tumhko Hutch a.k.a Vodafone, you definitely lived up to your reputation! It is yet another instance where you registered a breach of integrity!

Now to the real source of inspiration for this post. I received a sms from Vodafone recently that offered to provide me some real good peace of mind! It said:

“To stop unwanted calls, activate Call Filter Service for a monthly rental of just Rs 99 and enjoy peace of mind. Dial *514# or call 55144 today!”

PS: Hmmm... I never knew that peace of mind was just 99 bucks away from me. This is yet another chalo-din-dahade-hi-customer-logon-ko-lootenge kinda campaign from Vodafone! Kaash yeh Art of Living waale aur Baba Ram Dev bhi itne ‘intelligent’ hote! See it’s that simple. No yoga no khul khul ke hasna… Just pay these bloody SOBs 99 per month and enjoy full peace of mind! I seriously feel that Vodafone has gotta retain that punch line of hutch, but with a little change. It should be, ‘Wherever you go, our problems follow you!’

~IT's My Life