Friday, December 01, 2006

Re-(don't) view - DHOOM 2...


L to R: We all Suck in the exponential order!

The week before was spent in depression and this week in utter sleeplessness, courtesy my proj guide and internals. Literally ye dono ne to mera din ka chain aur rato ki neend uda di hai! Bhagvaan, is pyare se bandhe par kuch to rehem ka!!! I never should have made such a decision to watch this utterly hyped, desperately disappointing, mo-wee(p) called DHOOM-2. Why did I watch? (actually I just saw it...).

It was the joint impact of the happiness of having discovered that K had got back his pen drive, which was supposed to be lost, with me allegedly being the cause of it. The other big news was, tomorrow we got CIP (a crap subject!). Now thats a perfect time to schedule a prospectus hangout for a matinee show. We were 7 of us. K, S, G, V, M, J and myself. We had huge expectations from D-2.

Just to remind readers outta there, that the author resides @ a place which is semi-urban cum semi-rural cum semi-local cum semi-global village cum city called Davanagere, located @ the heart of Karnataka. So a movie @ Aruna, which is precisely 0.74536633% of a PVR version outta here (It does offer you a G class sort of thing, but only for VIPs).

Enough of the prelude, lets get to the crux of the post. I had read this review of D-2, initially I felt that the author had just exaggerated too much, but man you were damn right!

It didn't take more than a few minutes for me to judge the fate of the rest of my journey @ the theatre. But the kind of optimist I am, I didn't give up so soon! We slipped in to the seats A-32 to A-37, and me literally sandwitched b/w S and M. We were seated quite far off from the nearest fan, so it was gonna be a tough show ahead. I must say that, a few gals in front of my seat had a bit of a prob with the seating arrangements, so they shared a seat! Boy, a big big blunder, as the duo soon realized...

The movie finally began after a short trailer of Kabul express (check this one out, seems worth a balcony, @ PVR). I have got very specific comments on a few scenes of D2, so shall re-view them specifically. Here we go...
  • The crown robbery sequence, where Hrithik (Aryan/Mr.A) is shown performing a few breathtaking stunts. Well you gotta give it to the director, for coming up with succcha crap thing like that! I knew I was watching D-2, but arey Bollywood walo, physics naam ki bhi koi cheez is duniya main hoti he yaar. Koi itni short range se bullet se bach nahi sakta. Koi sand par itni kalai se skate nahi maar sakta and the biggest thing that bugged me @ the end of the seen was, why did all those black suited guys, (The ones whot resemble guys, as in blue star ad...) shoot Hrithik @ his chest or abdomen. Crap! He is a six+ footer dude, atleast one of them could have tried for fore-head or a leg. Hey wait, Hrithik is supposed to be alive, for our hero hasn't entered in to the movie yet! I just held myself from saying WTF, but uttered okkk...
  • Now to the second scene, where Abhishek, allegedly makes a perfect bollywood istle type of entry on the silver screen. By far the scene that contradicts all the laws of physics. Ask me what’s wrong in the scene; well did you observe the trajectory which he makes off in to the air, to brilliantly shoot the so called silly bollywood istyle villains. Boy! he should have come from a min of 50ft- 100ft, below water to get such a lofty trajectory (roughly). And guess what my dear, he is not a dolphin for sure, to make such a thing so skillfully. Again physics ki dhajjiyan udayi gayin he. Okkkk I am neither a physics professor nor a die hard fan of it! But what was he doing under water?
  • After the diamond robbery, I was about to say, wow! But wait... I was again haunted by another physics paradox! Hrithik escapes via a drainage opening (manhole) and @ the other end makes a volcanic eruption sort of entry! Now that’s too much dude... I mean was he fired off his feat, by tying him to Agni missile or what? A good 25ft above the ground, from a good 25ft below! Amazing buddies!!! Again the chase sequence where Hrithik is chased aerially via a helicopter by Abhishek, is yet another crap! Well I must say, that if can't shoot him (Mr. A), with a thing like a sniper or shotgun, you gotta be cooking for ur wife @ ur home and not chasing a super robber (A- that’s the sign, Hrithik leaves behind, after every robbery) like him.
  • The most insane character of the movie? U would unanimously vote for Uday chopra(Ali Akbar Fateh Khan). I know it’s a Yash Raj banner movie, but just to salvage his already drowned career, you can, in no way fit in a clown like him! Does he make you laugh? At some stages, I got convinced that he surely seemed to be a premature pass out Nimhaans, as a patient of course. You will get sick with his idiosyncrasies! His virtual fantasy with Bips, (I will come to her soon...) has been promoted as an ad for a matrimonial site or something like that! Don't get amused if you find any snap from the movie @ the home page of a matrimonial site! The guy ALI is simply wasted in the movie. If he is in the movie, simply for his excellent biking skills, lemme disabuse all your myths, he an utter waste! He doesn’t even get closer to Hrtihik's skate boards, in a chase sequence. Such is his excellence! All in all an utterly disgusting character! U will get sick of his PJs. M almost drowsed off after the interval, not to mention after watching the so called and supposed to be hot scenes of Bips, where the self proclaimed and re-incarnated hottie, makes an unwanted entry is a routine beachwear. Was the directory running short of substance? Or was he utterly confused as many of the viewers?
  • Now to the first new entry of the movie, Bips(ACP Shonali Bose). The viewers know that she is hot, as she herself admits (or rather say in her own way, a bombshell). But gimme a break, it’s supposed to be an action thriller and not a Monday night romantic comedy as in star movies! The way she needlessly hugs Uday (No I am not jealous!!!), and the way the silencer honks @ the back drop! All of them might seem good for the first few times, but u will soon start to get irritated! C’mon the director seems to have judged that anything shown (pathetically) sleazy sells in bollywood. And Uday shud not have been shown as suchhha pervet guys, he really doesn't deserve it. C’mon the guy for sure needs some respect, as he is shown to be begging for one, to the Khadoos (and at times edaaa) ACP Jai Dixit! Apart from her sleazy outfits and faked smiling gestures, Bips was a needless entry!
  • Now to the female version of Hrithik, or as he says, 'Parchayi' (shadow). I must say that, Ash (Sunehiri) has really shed a few ounces of lipids. She seems okies with her typical more of a smirking than a smiling face! The only other character (apart from Hrithik), which shows some maturity in acting. (Well I can't really blame the rest, for the script is so sick... I wud give away another 100 tickets for free if anyone could precisely explain me the exact storyline of the movie!). Ash sells gud in the unnecessary dance numbers. Her only asset to prove her presence in the movie. Given that fact that, she was there to replace Esha deol, she seems to have done her job well. Nothing seemed to end perfectly as an LL with Hrithik. She, at times tries too hard to impersonate Angelina Jolie, of Tomb Raider! But don't even think of it, she is no where close to her... All in all, you gotta bare with her irritating facial gestures, which mostly seems confused!
  • Well as I had mentioned, M got up finally, just 20 min before the movie climaxed. The first thing he utters is, "Lo maams, what happened till now, brief it lightly!” I was about to trash him on spot, but soon got conscious of the so called theatre etiquettes. I just told him, "For god sake, gimme a break, it’s not a serial, that I recap to you the highlights of it. Damn it!". We are watching a sucking movie, paying a gud 35/- bucks (That’s quite an amount, considering the fact that it’s not B'lore PVR theatre, buddies), in the last row of the balcony and here my neighbor comes up with suchaa an irritating stuff. Slouching back in to our seats, that were positioned kms away from the nearest fan, we literally waited for the D-moment of the movie! Finally after that entire chase vaas thing, Jai and Aryan are face to face at the top of an unknown falls! Hey, forgot to tell you ppl. A scene, that probably leaves even a lay man flummoxed as to how is it possible, and that finally made me utter WTF... Aryan takes off from the top of a place, probably a 1000ft high altitude, but he makes sense, the dude has a got a parachute. But what comes on screen next, is something, that will make your heart skip a beat or 2. Our so called able ACP, jumps off from the same alti without parachute !!! (God knows how he gathered suchhaa nerveand courage...). C’mon the scene blows u off ur senses, when he clings on to Hrithik’s back without even the slightest mistake effortlessly! The new bond, Daniel Craig should learn a lesson or two from our ACP yaar. Whaaa maan gaye bheedu, tumne ne to sirf physics ki hi nahi, poori aerodynamics ki hi dhajjiyan udadhi...
  • The final the thing that irritates you too much, even to the extent of forcing you to resort to bombard the silver screen with your shoes or sandals, is a pathetic ending. C’mon dude we were expecting not suchhaa crap littlie thing to happen for the past 2+hrs. No FIR, no ENQUIRY, faisla on the spot. A crap, dialogue from Abhishek, "Chalo pyaar ka case hai, isliye maaf kiya". Would you believe that?

  • The next thing I remember was me walking downstairs. With a numb feet, as they rightly were, for I literally had slouched in to the chair for those 2+ hrs. I could see my friends outside, waiting to watch the evening show. I am sure, they would have gone thru the same exp.
PS: I am worried now, really worried! Wondering, about what? If john Abraham in D1 is replaced by Hrithik in D2, think what D3 would have in store for us. I can't take it anymore. Gimme a break! Plz stop it ppl. S said that TOI (Totally Insane Journal) rated this movie with 4 stars. All I managed to say was, WTF.... Plzzz don't watch Dhoom-2, not even if you have plans to buy a cool bike like those in D2.

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