Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sheesha ho ya Dil ho...

Note: This post is written in light of some distasteful developments that I have been witnessing in the recent past. I blame no one for the status quo. I jot this article purely to verbalize all my feelings, that I have never been able to share with even the closet of my friends here. The article in no way is an attempt to hurt anybody's feelings. I take no responsibility whatsoever if anyone who reads this article, feels its directed towards them. I once again re-iterate that its my personal opinion, and hence should not be generalized. I don't expect to make this a perfect post, presenting things very orderly... Bcoz, all i care is to convey what i felt and still feel... So bear with me for posting such an unorganized stuff...

Have u ever been through this feeling? Someone whom u presume to be a close friend.. after a slight misunderstanding gets in to this act of hurting u time and again. What begins as a small failure in effective communication can go on to become a big barrier b/w 2 people. Ek deewar si khadi ho jaati hi dono ke beech main... Then the whole charm in the friendship vanishes, and the bloody ego stuff sets in. What used to be a harmonious relationship, suddenly seems such a pain in the ass. It gets so tough for u to interact with the him/her with the same ease and comfort, as u used to do before. The person who seemed to be the one, u knew in and out, suddenly begins to mystify u. U are left dumbstruck. How did all this get so bloody fucked up?

A heart and a mirror, once broken can never be brought back to the original state... No matter how hard I am trying to battle this state of dilemma and guilt, I am not able to bring back that level of comfort, and that wavelength of communication with that person. How does one know about it? Are u feeling that the time u spend with that close friend, no more keeps u happier or comfortable? Is the whole act of interaction getting so smothering? If so, I can bet that the relationship has lost its charm. But what can be more painful, is the fact that u are expected to continue to interact with that person, as though nothing has really happened. I can't bloody figure out how one manages to do it. While deep within u, there lingers a feeling of guilt, that yells at u, "Hey, u don't like that person anymore, why don't u say that to him/her? Why try to put up a false feeling of comfort, while what u actually want is to get him/her out of ur sight?" I feel that when a relationship raises issues like these in ur mind, u r at the door step of a going - to- be- broken relationship. U will find urself making half-hearted attempts to consolidate it. All in vain... U r at the point of no return my boy!!!

The whole act gets so dirty, when u start tossing the ball in to each other's court, blaming the other for the status quo. Every word spoken, and every glance exchanged, is devoid of any sort of concern. Every word spoken in justification, simply aggravates the other party, making him/her either feel guilty or provoke him/her to pursue grudges. Many a times in life, we feel so happy that we get to know someone, and feel proud of earning their friendship. But all that illusion soon ends, when u are faced with hard facts. It hurts to the core when the so called 'sugar coated' interactions turn in to sarcastic ones. Both the parties start to throw some bloody shit on each other. U start to feel that u were bloody wrong about the person.

I have had enough of all this stuff. Enough of all this plastic smiles, and sugar coated convos!!! I have realized (and hopefully that person as well) that all the charm in our friendship is gone. What could have been settled down easily with a fruitful discussion, has simply been dragged, and blown out of proportion. I cannot put up a smiling face each time we meet, and I cannot betray u anymore. I can't show up as someone whole has godly tolerant levels, and someone who never gets hurt or angry. If that's what u call being hyper, so be it. I don't want to show any false concern to u, and neither do i except it from u. If u too feel the same, then why is it that we are still trying to do this patch work? If any interaction with me is so smothering, why don't u tell it on my face? I feel, it's high time that we sit down and cement this dilapidated relationship. Lets stop this whole 'try being nice' drama. They say, "The strength of a chain is determined by the strength of its weakest link." I feel that we failed to identify that weakest link!!! Lets end this whole cold war once and for all, in a graceful manner.

PS: They say, there are times when we leave a person not because we hate them, but because we feel that they can be happy if we let them go.. I feel, it's time we let go each other...

~IT's My Life

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6 comments:

M G Harish said...

Hey, I certainly don't know whom did you have in your mind, but I hope the issue gets settled soon...

Best of luck :-)

Nirmal said...

All the best for your exams. I couldn't find the comments section in the latest post, that y posting it here. :-)

MorganLighter said...

Here's something I learned long ago. Perhaps it can help you.

"God Grant Me The Serenity
To Accept The Things I Cannot Change,Courage To Change The Things I Can,And The Wisdom To Know The Difference".

Take care.

Suresh S said...

@Harish,
I couldn't reply at that moment cooz,I was unsure where this was heading towards.. But now i feel quite sure about it.. It pretty much lightened now and things have gotten clear.

Suresh S said...

@Nirmal, Thnx nirmal. I was a bit busy with exams, so couldn't reply back. My exams went well..

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