Saturday, February 02, 2008

Main aisa kyu hoon?


I am confused!

It has been almost 4 months since I moved to Bangalore. I am gradually adapting to this kind of life style. But trust me I am yet to digest the fact that; gone are those days when we friends would plan for the first show of a movie and the strength of a cricket team could be expected at the ticket counters of a cinema hall in no time. But come to think of it now, the whole idea of meeting up at one point, in large numbers seems close to an impossibility. This new life at Bangalore has definitely taken a toll of my personal time, patience and not to mention complicated my agenda for weekends.

It wasn’t long ago when I could spill out my schedule for an entire month, without any difficulty. But now I find myself caught off guard when someone asks me to meet them over a weekend, because I just am unable to commit to anyone for any sort of engagements. I just can’t predict what’s going to be the agenda for the weekend, even a day before. Such has been the nature of my life on personal and professional front. A subtle feeling of guilt haunts me every time I commit to a friend of mine and am unable to make it.

Today is a weekend and I was supposed to be at V’s place to meet his mother and his brother. It’s been over 3 months since I have been to their house. One might ask me why I didn’t call them up at regular intervals, if I was so desperate to meet them and speak to them. Well that exactly is the problem with me. I get engrossed in to something I do that I completely forget everything. I mean everything! It almost becomes like I wouldn’t have spoken to the best of my friends for months together. I don’t know if it’s a terrible habit that I have cultivated over a period of time. But having said all that, I would clarify one thing that my concern or affection towards people who care for me wouldn’t have changed at all. I am absolutely comfortable if a close friend of mine wouldn’t call me up regularly or send me a good morning or good night sms if he is really busy. I am unable to understand this whole thought as to why people jump to conclusions and engage in to the act of shaking violently, the very roots of your friendship, which had been built over mutual trust, when you happen to stay out of touch for while from them? Does distance really matter to the strength of a friendship? Does calling your friend every now and then, even though you don’t have anything significant to share, reinforce the credibility of your friendship? I definitely don’t think so!

See that’s Suresh for you folks! He might not send you a sms nor give you a call over a weekend but would still be caring about you. I don’t know how to describe this behavior of mine. Ever since I have been here, I have struggled like hell to meet my friends who stay in various corners of Bangalore. Like others, I also get only 2 days in a week to do things other than the office work. Sometimes even those days are mercilessly gobbled up by some work at office. I know that you would hit me hard saying, “Dude you got to get used to this life style. You got to manage your time well. Otherwise your personal relations are going to go for sixes.” It’s not that I haven’t made an attempt to plan my weekends. But all my attempts have failed every time I have tried that. I have kind of given up planning my weekends!

I don’t know if this has happened to you as well. Sometimes situations are such that you feel staying silent is the best reaction to it. Your relationship with someone is resting on such a delicate thread that you are utterly confused about the way you need to handle it. I am currently facing that with a few of my friends. It’s like, if I speak, what should it be about? And if I don’t, will it convey to them that I no more care about them, and I have begun to kind of show attitude. The fact is folks, I simply don’t know. But I care about them. I feel I just don’t know how to express my concern and care!

My state on the personal front as of now, is one of utter confusion. If anyone of you have been through the similar situations kindly share your experiences with me. May be I can take cue out of your experience. I am badly in need of help! Life just seems to be so confusing and relationships, even more complex!!!


~IT's My Life

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8 comments:

aditi said...

Dude,
Changes are a part of life and not always are they pleasant..But u have to accept 'em!!
I'm sure u'll start loving this life..Its about TIME!!

Suresh S. a.ka. Suri said...

@ Aditi,

I think your are true. May be it's just a matter of time. But as of now, I am really uncomfortable :(

Anonymous said...

MAN GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK YOU KNOW!!!!
TAKE YOUR TIME AS IT COMES!!! DON'T WORRY OR READ TOO MUCH INTO IT !!! I AM SURE EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS YOU WELL!! I PERSONALLY REALLY DO(absolutely here)

CHILLAX MATE AND THERE IS WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE WHO ARE CONSCIOUS ABOUT US AND UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE ! NAMMA BENGALURU IS LIKE A HORSE RUNNING ON A DERBY ! PEOPLE JUST WON'T FIND TIME SOMETIMES !

OOPS I GOT TO GO MATE!!! SEE YA AT THE OFFICE!!

Ujj said...

completely agree with you r way of looking at it.. problem is most people would not :)

Suresh S. a.ka. Suri said...

@ Ujjwal,

Not always do you succeed in clearning some air around you! I hope people in your friends circle do appreciate your situation and act accordingly.

Poornima Prabhu said...

There is saying... It is easy to build or destroy a relationship but it is difficult to maintain them....

Suresh S. a.ka. Suri said...

@ Poornima,

Very true. The most challenging part of any relationship is to maintain the spark with which it started.

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